Life, as they say, comes at you fast

A year ago this week I started the training for my current job, 50 days after leaving my previous job to be a stay at home parent, I mused on Facebook that "Life, as they say, comes at you fast" The last year has proved that in spades!

Hi Angel Face

It's been a strange week in some ways, I've been busy every day whilst slowly feeling more and more run down. I partially put this down to the cold that has crept up on me but I can't help but feel the pressure I've been putting on myself is the biggest contributory factor.

It's quite ironic really, I spent so much time telling you to relax and not worry so much about everything and here I am doing the exact same thing. I see now all the things that you did that I never even realised and how much extra strain it has caused. I know it wouldn't have changed the outcome but I wish I'd done more, wish I'd not been selfish and just let you get on with it, had I done even just 10% more then maybe we'd have had more time to do things together, time to make more memories. I don't know, will never know, if I'm right or just punishing myself, I know the therapist would tell me that I need to be kinder to myself. Oh and let's face it you have to take a portion of the blame as whenever I did ask to help you'd brush me off so we were probably as bad as each other!

The Squidge had her 2 year check, she aced it, no surprises there. She's a clever little girl (too clever sometimes...😐) I see so much of you in her. I got the button rug out and gave it a good clean and she bloody loved it! I have a video of me saying colours and her running to one that matched, if you'd been here for me to send it to you I know you'd have been so proud you'd have shed a wee tear or two. It felt really good to have gotten the rug sorted and I was once again hard on myself for not doing it sooner but then the Squidge got up in the night and vomited on it! I didn't know whether to cry or laugh! Someone said maybe she just doesn't like it, they may have a point her whole life she's vommed on it time and time again! 😂

Had some good news on Friday which I'll share when the time is right

I miss you

Love you Angel Face 😘😍😍


'Cuz I won't waste another day,
Living someone else's way.
I wanna be happy,
I wanna be free,
Fuck what they say,
I'm doing me.

Words to live by, and how I've tried to live for the past 6/7 years
I discovered this song via an advert early last year, it spoke to me in a way a song hadn't in a while...